


next to your bones

by grumpeaches



Series: the heart is not a box [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, M/M, Multi, OT3, Pre-Threesome, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 04:27:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6641428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grumpeaches/pseuds/grumpeaches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart." — Howl, Florence + The Machine</p><p><em>Let's go home.</em> The words Hide said to him a lifetime ago taunt him, because Kaneki has been running for so long he's not so sure where home is anymore. But maybe, just <em>maybe</em>, home isn't quite as out of reach as he thinks it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	next to your bones

It takes a while for the dust to settle, but slowly, semblance of normality creeps back into the lives of the residents of Tokyo. Kaneki isn’t quite sure his life will ever be _normal_ , but he does fall into a routine that makes it easier to pretend that he’s putting his life back together like everyone else is.

He should be ashamed that part of his routine includes stalking – _keeping tabs on_ , he tries to reason with himself – Touka, but he isn’t. It’s not the first time he’s watched over her from the shadows anyway. The fight is over, but Kaneki can’t help but feel like he is bad luck still. And that probably makes him an asshole for mending bridges with everyone else, but while he treasures all of his friends dearly, he’s always been that little bit more protective over Touka.

(Once upon a time, there had been another he’d been just as devoted to, but now thoughts of Hide only bring about even more intense bouts of self-loathing.) 

Touka usually keeps to a routine too, so keeping watch over her isn’t too hard, but she deviates from the routine a week after the re-opening of :Re. The curiosity and confusion only grows when he follows her all the way to a hospital, and he vaguely wonders if anything had happened to Yoriko. He takes note of which room she enters, and then finds someplace he can look into the room from outside. 

He’s expecting to see Touka and her best friend, but instead it’s Touka and _his_ best friend ( _a ghost_ ) that he sees. He almost leaps down to their window, relief at Hide being _alive_ overriding his stubbornness about keeping his distance for the briefest of moments.

Hide is alive, and Hide is okay, and Hide is laughing as Touka brushes a thumb over the corner of his lips and he leans into her palm and– _oh_.

There’s a strange tightness in his chest, and even though he doesn’t want to watch, even though he feels like he’s intruding upon a private moment, he can’t seem to move, can’t seem to look away. Touka looks out the window then, and even with the distance between them, Kaneki knows that she’s seen him from the way her eyes widen ever so slightly. He finds the strength to tear his gaze away then, doing what he does best. Kaneki runs away.

Kaneki finds out that unlike when she was a teenager, the present Touka is quite hard to avoid, especially when she’s all too aware of what he’s trying to do. He doesn’t understand _why_ she’s so insistent on trying to talk to him though. After all, it’s not like she needs him any more. Not when she has Hide. (He almost fools himself into thinking those thoughts don’t sound bitter at all.)

After almost three weeks of close calls, Touka finally manages to corner him during one of his visits to the café. Hinami shoots him an apologetic look as she excuses herself, and even with the prospect of facing down an angry Touka, he can’t find it in himself to be mad at the girl for lying to him.

The look on Touka’s face is familiar – a mixture of anger and _hurt_ that makes guilt settle uneasily in his gut. He almost expects to be hit again, but she merely exhales through her nose, lips pursing, face pinching slightly. (Kaneki doesn’t miss the tears in her eyes, but he’s trying not to think about that.)

“What’s your reason this time, Kaneki?” She asks, and he doesn’t think he’s ever heard her sound this _resigned_ and he almost breaks character with the urge to hold her. But instead he focuses on resisting the urge to crack his knuckles, trying to look as nonchalant as possible when he answers.

“I didn’t want to get in the way. I’m glad you two had each other while I was away,” he says, smiling pleasantly at her. He makes the mistake of looking at her then, because she looks so very much like she had when he first entered :Re as Haise – so beautifully sad – and he finds he can’t look away.

She steps closer to him, and he doesn’t move away. “You’re still lying to me,” she says, as she closes the gap between them, and Kaneki doesn’t try to push her away as her lips move to cover his. It’s surreal, to think that years after the thought of kissing her first crossed his mind he would finally get to. He’s surprised when his flight instinct doesn’t kick in, and even more so when he finds himself returning the kiss.

“But you and Hide–” he starts to say once he finds his words again, but she cuts him off with another brush of her lips against his before she pulls away, still not smiling, but the sadness in her eyes has faded a little.

“There’s plenty of room in the heart for two,” she replies cryptically, but her next statement is one that Kaneki doesn’t require guesswork to decipher. “Hide misses you.”

“I didn’t want to tell him that I saw you,” she continues when Kaneki remains silent, “but he’s annoyingly observant, isn’t he?”

The way she says it, with the faintest hint of a whine in her voice, manages to draw a laugh out of Kaneki before he even thinks to feign disinterest. “Yeah… he is,” he concedes, the thought of his best friend accompanied by a warmth in his chest. But then he thinks of how Hide has been privy to Touka’s little habits the past few years, and how Touka has probably been the sole focus of most of Hide’s attention, and the warmth quickly dissipates.

“I don’t know…” He trails off uncertainly, and he feels her grip on his arms tighten.

“Why, Kaneki? We _want_ you back in our lives, why are you so insistent on keeping your distance?” She’s so close to him – she smells faintly of coffee and lilacs and Kaneki thinks he could breathe her in for an eternity.

But he remembers how Hide had turned to her, like a sunflower to the sun, and he thinks he’s lost them both and it hurts too much to be close to them now. “If I said I just don’t want to be a part of your lives any more, is that reason enough?” He takes a step back, and Touka doesn’t try to hold him back.

“But _why_?” Even though she allows him to put that little bit of distance between them, she’s not letting him go it seems. She’s still as unyielding as ever, but gentler. _Oh how she’s grown_ , he thinks, _oh how he loves her all the more for it._

There’s no use lying to her, he realises. And it’s with a heavy heart that he tells her the full truth, years after the last time. ( _If you died Touka… I’d be heartbroken._ ) “You have each other now, and I don’t know my place any more.”

The words hang heavy in the space between them, and for a moment time seems frozen as Touka weighs them in her head. He feels exposed, and it makes his skin crawl. But then gentle hands are on him again, leaving a trail of warmth up his arm before settling around his face.

“Your place is with us,” she says, her voice so loud and strong and _sure_ that Kaneki can’t help but believe every word. “Come see Hide again. If you still want to leave, we’ll let you go.” He breathes her in, fills his lungs with her faith, and then he nods.

Hide is awake when they enter his room, and something in Kaneki flares up briefly at the affection in Hide’s eyes as they land on Touka. But in the next moment those eyes are on him, and the affection remains, even if disbelief and wonder are mixed in.

Kaneki walks straight past the chair, drawn straight to Hide’s bedside. There’s silence for a beat, charged with the unspoken emotions of the occupants of the room. “Took you long enough,” Hide breaks into a grin, so familiar that a dormant part of Kaneki he thought long gone aches for it, “Did you get lost on the way here?” 

“Yeah,” the word is exhaled with a quiet laugh, and his eyes meet Touka’s for a brief second. “She found me though.”

“What would any of us do without her, really.” The remark is teasing and meant for Touka, but Hide’s eyes never leave Kaneki’s face.

They’re close enough that their breaths mingle in the small space between them, and Kaneki catches Hide’s gaze drift towards his lips.

_There’s plenty of room in the heart for two._

They’re frozen in that moment, and Kaneki swallows around the lump in his throat. He wants to ask Touka if _this_ is what she had meant, but he doesn’t want to be the one to shatter the moment. Hide leans in just a little closer, and Kaneki forgets how to breathe when their noses brush.

Hide is his best friend, and he wonders when the line between best friends and more had become blurred. He tries to think back to pinpoint the moment when it had changed, but it only makes his head spin.

Or maybe that’s the lack of oxygen, he realises as he takes in a deep breath. But it doesn’t matter, not right now at least. Right now, even that half inch of distance between them feels too far. Closing the distance between them could change everything, or nothing at all, and Kaneki is afraid. It’s almost laughable that after everything he’s been through, the thought of what he feels for his best friend manages to unsettle him so.

But Kaneki is no stranger to fear, and it doesn’t stop him from crashing his lips onto Hide’s. He’s too rough, too eager, and their front teeth clash painfully, but the euphoria that rises from the contact more than makes up for it. It’s like recovering something long lost that he hadn’t even realised was missing, and Kaneki holds onto Hide tightly, afraid of letting him slip through his fingers again.

When they pull away, when the moment passes, Kaneki feels the burn of embarrassment creep up his neck. But then Touka is suddenly there, an arm thrown around each of them to pull them close once more, their foreheads together.

“This is your place,” she reminds him, and Kaneki cries, because he can’t remember the last time he’s ever felt so warm and safe and _loved_. There are fingers and lips on his face wiping each and every tear from his face, and they’re holding onto him so tightly he doesn’t think he could ever untangle himself from them even if he had wanted to.

This is his place; with the two people he loves most in the world. They hold him until he stops crying and longer. They hold him like they’re afraid of losing him again, but Kaneki thinks they don’t have to worry. This is where he belongs, he understands that now. This is where he’s supposed to be.

 _I’m home_.


End file.
